Whoever has worked with an NGO will recognise the sacred ritual of defining the Vision, the Mission, and the Values — ceremonies repeated so often they acquire the weight of liturgy.

In SHOTE, people were efficient enough to complete this ritual in only one working day — which left ample time to produce a first version and then send it around for comments.
Well, as Ald would think, not to forget that the process as a whole dragged its feet for fifteen months, inevitable as a pilgrimage nobody asked to take — but that was another story. 

And yet, the speed never meant simplicity. Even here, debates could flare over whether ‘synergy’ should precede ‘resilience’, or whether ‘innovation’ deserved its own pillar. One mock vote was even proposed before Lucius intervened, gravely reminding everyone that the Sacred Marker™ must decide.

Thus began the Workshops on Team Narrative Alignment™. Flipcharts stood like altars; markers were handed out like votive candles. Staff were invited to shape Mission, Vision, and Values — not as guiding stars, but as obedient scaffolding for the Living Strategy™, each team required to forge its own sub-strategy in solemn support of the overall one.

Lucius presided over his team with the solemnity of a parish priest. “Let us align,” he intoned, uncapping the Sacred Marker™. Incense might as well have been burning; the smell of marker fumes rose like smoke from an altar.

Ald, seated among them, tried at first to play along, though his long history with Lucius meant little warmth lingered between the two. When the session veered into empty pomp, his thoughts sharpened: “Like a drunken shepherd leading blind goats,” he mused, “perfectly fitting with the rest of our leadership.”

Earnest proposals fluttered forth:

• “We get there. Eventually. Usually with duct tape.” (quickly sanitised into ‘We ensure resilience through adaptive delivery.’)
• “We show up fast, move stuff around, fix what’s broken, and hope nobody notices the paperwork we forgot. In short — when things go sideways, we’re the ones hauling the boxes.” (Lucius translated: ‘Rapid response, agile solutions.’)

From the back of the room came Ald’s murmurs, half-prayer, half-heckle — acerbic, yes, but edged with the restless hope that if truth was spoken slyly enough, something might yet shift.

Still, he offered a suggestion or two with a hint of sincerity, until the turns grew ever more circular. Then his humour rose like a safety valve: “Once upon a time, we built bridges. Now we hold consultations on their symbolic meaning,” he mumbled, a weary nod to his past life as an engineer.

A colleague beside him whispered, “Careful, they’ll write that down as innovation.” Ald smirked, grateful for the brief echo.

And as the group applauded the final draft Vision — “Transformative impact, through rooted growth and agile branches” — Lucius proudly announced it as the official creed of his TIPE™ Team (Team for Iterative Procedural Excellence). A glossy summary was promised for circulation.

Ald closed his notebook: “Another glorious step sideways — if nonsense were currency, we’d be the richest ones in the world.”

And left for break.

When the break was over, the flipcharts were rearranged with fresh solemnity, and the staff were called back to their seats.

The Mission
The Vision, safely embalmed in leafy metaphors, led naturally to the Mission — not unlike a bureaucrat trailing a minister, carrying the folders. Lucius cleared his throat. “If the Vision is where we are going, the Mission is how we get there.” He waited, as if unveiling wisdom long hidden in sacred vaults.

Alternative proposals surfaced first, half-honest and half-exasperated:

• “Our mission is to keep the lights on and the forms filed.” (Lucius: ‘Ensuring operational continuity.’)
• “We arrive late but smile early.” (Lucius: ‘Building trust through adaptive presence.’)
• “Mostly, we translate buzzwords into smaller buzzwords.” (Lucius: ‘Knowledge management and dissemination.’)

At one point, a typo on the flipchart was corrected with such gravitas that it drew chuckles — Lucius declaring solemnly, “Doctrine must be exact.”

Staff dutifully offered lines that were duly translated into management-speak, each rough truth polished until no edge remained.

Official TIPE™ Mission Statement:
At TIPE™, we are dedicated to the continuous pursuit of procedural excellence through strategic visioning, iterative framework refinement, and the careful cultivation of synergy. We commit to fostering alignment, collaboration, inclusive pathways, and cross-sectoral dynamism — ensuring that every process is reviewed, every review is process-based, and all outcomes are suitably inspiring and comfortably flexible for future consultations.

In truth, the Mission remained grosso modo the same as before — only freshly perfumed with new adjectives and solemn nods.

Ald Firt’s Version:
“Hence, at SHOTE™, we continue to move paper from one desk to another until someone calls it progress. We meet, we rebrand, we restructure — and if anything actually gets done, well, that’s a happy accident best left unexamined.”

One colleague muttered, “This Mission could power a small windmill, with all the hot air it produces,” and the room briefly stirred with laughter.

The Values
No ritual was complete without Values. They must be summoned like household spirits, dutifully listed, framed, and forgotten.

Lucius invited the circle: “What do we stand for?” He added, with solemnity, “The past is our foundation.”

Ald, sotto voce: “Mostly in line for coffee.”

Then, in a louder voice, he pressed: “Wait, wait — the organisation once declared itself not only fair-minded and practical but also spirited, empathetic, bold, and open-hearted… is that finished?”

Lucius mumbled something unintelligible, eyes sliding back to the flipchart.

With no answer forthcoming, Ald sighed, sotto voce: “In other places, the future is uncertain. Here, even the written past keeps changing.”

Others ventured safer offerings: integrity, respect, innovation. Each dutifully written on the flipchart, each as lifeless as the marker fumes.

Lucius, skilled in reading the room, sensed his team had endured enough of this ritual. After eight hours of solemn nonsense, he hurried to conclude the workshop. With a flourish of the Sacred Marker™, he produced the final list: Integrity, Respect, Innovation, Collaboration, and Resilience.

Lucius beamed, proclaiming: “These shall be the Values of TIPE™!”

Ald leaned back: “Values are easy to declare. Harder to notice when they vanish.”

Ald’s prophecy
“Restructure today, innovate tomorrow, and by Friday no one remembers who ordered the coffee. We sow visions in barren soil, armed with teaspoons instead of ploughs, and wait patiently for figs to sprout from thistles. And when none appear, we shall commission another workshop to discuss why.”

The team gave a thin, ironic applause, relieved the ordeal was over. Lucius rolled up the flipchart like a relic, declaring the workshop complete. Ald snapped his notebook shut with finality, a small gesture that said more than the eight hours of words.